Tuesday, December 11, 2007

The Elian Gonzalez File

Back in 2000 when MTAC wasn't even a glimmer in its papa's eye, we were living the city of C-H-I (the greatest city in America by the way, you can have New York) with the great P himself. P came up with one of the great phrases of our time. When something in the media was completely overblown and over-covered, you would then "put it in the Elian Gonzalez file." You remember young Elian Gonzalez don't you? He was the young Cuban boy at the center of a controversy involving the Cuban and US governments over whether or not he had to return to Cuba to be with his father, rather than stay with his relatives in Miami.

It was the most over-done story I could ever remember, especially for something that I could care less about. It became such an old bit, every TV station you turned on, someone was talking about Elian Gonzalez. It drove me insane. That spawned the phrase.

Where am I going with this? Well, we've got a new one for the Elian Gonzalez file: The Michael Vick sentencing. All day yesterday, you couldn't avoid the topic. This morning, we were stuck listening to the uber-Cheesy Mike Greenberg (we were stuck in Mrs MTAC's car which doesn't have Sirius, therefore, no Howard), and he did 40 minutes straight on Vick, how he looked in court yesterday, whether or not he should be allowed to play in the NFL again, etc etc. Look, the guy did the crime, now he'll pay the time. Hope he has fun in jail. Now can we let it go? I don't want to hear about Michael Vick again until he comes out of jail at the end of 2009.

Back to the file. I have compiled a list for you of other stories that have been dubbed Elian Gonzalez file worthy over the past few years:

1. Barry Bonds - Do you care if he cheated or not? - Last summer, this became unbearable and the bane of my existence; and I read Game of Shadows cover to cover.

2. Bobby Knight - is he too cruel to his players? - This was one of the originals in the Elian file. To quote Mark P "you know what you are getting yourself into when you go to play for coach Knight."

3. Who is the next Michael Jordan? - If I never hear that story again, it will be fine with me. There will only be one MJ.

4. Should Pete Rose be in the Hall of Fame? - One more time, with feeling: If he was a rapist or a murderer, he'd be allowed in, but since he gambled, he isn't.

5. All Cleveland teams are cursed - This one goes out to all of my friends in Chicago who spent years listening to me tell them how lucky they are and how I'll never win anything ever.

6. The DH rule should be banned and the NL plays better baseball because there is more strategy involved. - All NL fans who spew out this argument are idiots.

7. Bill Belichick cheated and the Patriots deserve an asterisk if they have a perfect season - If I hear this one more time, i'm going to shoot myself.

Feel Free to email me more. Ive gotta run to a meeting.

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